Goddamm she is one fine piece isn't she? she looks like a younger, less drug addicted Heather Locklear doesn't she? We'll start with the sexiest headline and work our way in another less sexy direction...Julianne Hough says she's done with 'Dancing'
By the way, that fine piece is the hot as shit Julianna Hough, from Dancing With The Stars fame (is fame appropriate?)...and it seems she's leaving the show to pursue her singing career...this kinda breaks my heart but not really, I never really watch the show although I do watch her whenever I can, from my car, or in her bushes or anywhere else in her close proximity that provides me with enough cover to masturbate without being seen...consequently she could sound like two whales being viciously murdered when she sings and I would still shove my cock up her ass and walk around with her permanently attached to me...
Ummm, hopefully herself...but if not I've got some free time and I'm willing to lend our great nation a hand or two in times of crisis...*note to self: recharge batteries for mini camera*
U.S. jobless claims jump to 16-year high
This sucks because earlier I saw a headline that said "Unemployment numbers unexpectedly rise" and I couldn't believe that someone would be so fucking stupid to print such a thing...and then I was gonna say, yeah, and catholic priests unexpectedly rape young boys or something or other. Now, I can't find that fucking headline anywhere and they ruined my potential joke...I bet what happened is whoever (or is it whom?) put that headline up has since been fired, so you know what asshat? the jokes on you...eat it bitch, join the ranks of the unemployed.
Why Democrats gave Big Three a reprieve
Detroit executives blundered into PR fiasco but got another chance
Detroit executives blundered into PR fiasco but got another chance
Fuck me dead, seriously...I had no fucking idea that you could get on a private fucking jet and fly to a Congressional hearing and beg them for 25 billion dollars with absolutely zero plan on what to do with it and then Congress would just say "come back when you have a plan"...are you fuckin' kidding me? I tried something like that in Middle School once, I didn't do my homework and when I showed up for class I made up some bullshit excuse and then I got an F...and thus, I sit here today a complete and utter retard with very little discernible skills and no real income...but it seems to be ok if you are asking for 25 billion tax dollars...I hope these 3 assholes get inoperable tumors at the base of their spines...the fucking balls on some people.
Supreme Court of Canada rules for those ‘functionally disabled by obesity’
Ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaa...what a joke, Canadian Supreme Court...that's like saying Jamaican Bobsled Team...oh, wait.
Ocho Cinco benched for breaking team rule
God I hate this asshole so fucking much...like an idiot I drafted him in my fantasy league and I've wanted to shoot myself ever since. Like it's not bad enough that he sucks, he has to be a complete asshole at all times flapping his retard gums at all hours of the night and day...you know what fuckstick? your little Ocho Cinco spiel ain't funny anymore, you suck, your team sucks and you are ruining my wide receiver corps...god I fucking hate you with a passion. I hope he gets benched for the remainder of the season, put that cunt on the PUP list or some shit like that, just make it that much easier for me to cut his ass...I got money on the line and your acting like a fucking 2 year old, go kill yourself shitbag...grrrrrrrrrrr, hulk mad, hulk smash....grrrrrrrr.
RAHM EMANUEL: GOT IDEAS? CALL MY CELL
I got a few asshole, how about:
Firing Chad Johnson
Killing the "Big Three"...and possibly Oprah
Sucking my balls
making a law that forces Jessica Alba to be my wife
Get me a job in the White House
Making this Catwoman real so I can have viscous, angry sex with her...rowr...
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